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3 Delicious Recipes to Give Yourself a Heart Attack

Screw your New Year’s resolutions and your diet. Sometimes you just want to cook something that has the potential to bring on diabetes and tastes freaking AMAZING. Get on with your bad self and cook up these three strictly unhealthy masterpieces:

  • Grilled Cheese Pizza


Why not combine two of the culinary world’s greatest gifts to mankind into one deliciously artery-clogging unicorn of a meal?

  • Just like you’re making normal boring old grilled cheese, melt a ton of butter in a pan.
  • Add two pieces of bread in the pan, and top them with marinara sauce.
  • Add a heap of mozzarella cheese and your favorite (and least healthy) pizza toppings to each slice of bread.
  • Put those two cheesy bad boys together into sandwich form.
  • Heat until the outside is golden and the innards are gooey and perfect.
  1. Mozzarella-Stuffed Onion Rings


Your two favorite calorie-laden appetizers can also be combined into one heavenly creation. BECAUSE WHY NOT? Live fast die young, eat cheese-filled, deep-fried glory.

This recipe involves a lot of coating in buttermilk and breadcrumbs, because you hate your body. So click here to view it in full:


  1. “Community” Casserole:

“Bagel Bites in a deconstructed Hot Pocket reduction with a Doritos glaze”

Fans of the show “Community” and junk food lovers alike went nuts for this recipe after it received an offhand mention as a joke in one episode of the show. Now people are actually making and ingesting this tasty monstrosity. You, too, can eat your way to an early grave. Here’s how:

You’ll need 18 Bagel Bites (2 boxes of 9 each), 9 Hot Pockets (I used pepperoni), 1 1/2 cups of marinara sauce, 1/2 bag of Doritos (Nacho Cheese-flavored is recommended, but you do you).


  • Preheat your oven to 425 degrees
  • Line a casserole dish with some cooking spray. It’s about to get messy up in here.
  • Line the bottom of the dish with uncooked Bagel Bites.
  • Bake in preheated oven for 10 minutes.
  • During that time, start heating Hot Pockets in the microwave (just stuff a few on a plate and heat for about 3 minutes… they don’t need to cook all the way for this part).
  • Cut open one long edge of each of the Hot Pockets and scoop the fillings into a saucepan with the marinara and simmer it until the cheese is melty (like water under a furnace).
  • Spoon the heated sauce mixture on top of the Bagel Bites you just pulled out of the oven.
  • Lay the seasoned tops of the Hot Pockets over the whole mixture, taking care to cover it all evenly.
  • Pop it back in the oven for 5 minutes.
  • Smash up your Doritos. Crumble it over the entire top of your casserole and coat lightly with cooking spray.
  • Bake another two minutes, or until the Doritos are hot and crispy.


**Disclaimer: Just don’t die trying to eat these things. They’re terrible for you. Eat some vegetables once in awhile.**